Longest Spam Email

I was completely blown away by the length of a spam email I got this morning. I found it wildly amusing and just shows the lengths some will go to in the name of spam. Read more in the fold.

>From Mr.Richard Ven Sossouk
Telephone:0022506064390.
Private email:richvensossouk@lycos.co.uk

Dear Friend,
After going through your profile iit pleases me to contact you and to inform you of my desire to go into business with you.
I am Mr Mr.Richard Ven Sossouk a managing director and head of international private banking at Loita Capital Partners International (LCPI), the private banking arm of Ecobank, Abidjan - Cote d’Ivoire. I am contacting you concerning a deceased customer, and an investment he placed under our banks management 3 years ago. I would respectfully request that you keep the contents of this mail confidential and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this mail.
I contact you independently and no one is informed of this communication. I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you.
In 2003, the subject matter came to our bank to engage in business discussions with our private banking division. He informed us that he had a financial portfolio of $20.7 million American dollars, which he wished to have us turn over (invest) on his behalf. I was the officer assigned to his case, I made numerous suggestions in line with my duties as the de-facto chief operations officer of the private banking sector, especially given the volume of funds he wished to put into our bank. We spun the money around various opportunities and made attractive margins for our first months of operation, the accrued profit and interest stood at this point at over eight million dollars, this margin was not the full potential of the fund but he desired low risk guaranteed returns on investments. In mid 2004, he asked that the money be liquidated because he needed to make an urgent investment requiring cash payments. He directed that I liquidate the funds and have it
deposited with a security firm.
I undertook all the processes and made sure I followed his precise instructions to the letter and had the funds deposited with a security consultancy firm as he had directed. This security firm is an especially private firm that accepts deposits from high net worth individuals and blue chip corporations that handle valuable products or undertake transactions that need immediate access to cash.
This small and highly private organization is familiar especially to the highly placed and well-connected organizations. In Line with instructions, the money was deposited with them. He told me he wanted the money there in anticipation of his arrival from France later that week. This was the last communication we had, this transpired around 25th February 2004.
In October last year, we got a call from the security company informing us of the inactivity of that particular portfolio. This was an astounding position as far as I was concerned, given the fact that I managed the private banking sector I was the only one who knew about the deposit at the security company, and I could not understand why our client had not gone forward to claim his deposit. I made futile efforts to locate him.
I immediately passed the task of locating him to the internal investigations department. Four days later, information started to trickle in, apparently our man was dead.
If you are familiar with private banking affairs, those who patronize our services usually prefer anonymity, but also some levels of detachment from conventional processes. In his bio-data form, he listed no next of kin. In the field of private banking, opening an account with us means no one will know of its existence, accounts are rarely held under a name; depositors use numbers and codes to make the accounts anonymous.
It is this investigation that resulted in my being furnished with your details as a possible relative of the deceased because of the similarity in your last names. My official capacity dictates that I am the only party to supervise the investigation and the only party to receive the results of the investigation.

It is quite clear now that our dear fellow died with no known or identifiable family members. This leaves me as the only person with the full picture of what the prevailing situation is in relation to the deposit and the late beneficiary of the deposit. According to practice, the security company will by the end of this year broadcast a request for statements of claim to Loita Capital Partners International (LCPI), failing to receive viable claims they will most probably revert the deposit to Loita Capital Partners International (LCPI). This will result in the money entering the Loita Capital Partners International (LCPI) Private Bank accounting system and the portfolio will be out of my hands and out of the private banking division. This will not happen if I have my way.
What I wish to relate to you will smack of unethical practice but I want you to understand something. It is only an outsider to the banking world who finds the internal politics of the banking world aberrational. The world of private banking especially is fraught with huge rewards for those who sit upon certain chairs and oversee certain portfolios. You should have begun by now to put together the general direction of what I propose. There is $8,700,000.00 dollars deposited in a security company. I alone have the deposit details and they will release the deposit to no one unless I instruct them to do so.
I alone know of the existence of this deposit for as far as Loita Capital Partners International (LCPI) Private Bank is concerned, the transaction with the late customer concluded when I sent the funds to the security company all outstanding interactions in relation to the file are just customer services and due process. The security company has no single idea of what’s the history or nature of the deposit. They are simply awaiting instructions to release the deposit to any party that I may direct. This is the situation.
I will simply nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to you. You with the same very name as the original depositor would easily pass as the beneficiary with right to claim.The alternative would be for us to have the security company direct the funds to another bank with you as account holder. This way there will be no need for you to think of receiving the money directly from the security company as it is not a conventional financial institution; they accept deposits from only organizations thus; what you hand over to them is what you get back. They do not have the means to process the money.
I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such opportunities only come once in a lifetime. I cannot let this chance pass me by. For once I find myself in total control of my destiny.

I am contacting because of your social status and someone who is in God.I belief that you and I can use the money for the propogation of the gospel of God and also to help the sufferring massed both in africa and other parts of the world.

On the otherhands,If the money is left unclaimed the security company top official will automatically loot the money and share it among themselves and therefore the money will be lost to corrupt and selfish individuals who will end up using the money to oppress the poor and needy.

Think about you and I claiming the money and using it for the work of God and charitable project.That will glorify the kingdom of God and alleviate the poor.I have decided to do this because as a staff of the security company I have seen unclaimed money lost to the management and when this opportunity came knocking,I prayed over it and after due considerations, I contacted you so that you as Reverend Sister can use your position and influence the good use of the money for charity project and propogation of the work of God kingdom.

I have also resolved to use some part of my share for personal investment and I know that at the end of the day,God will surely reward me becuase I did not allow the money to be embellzzed by the corrupt officials of the security company.Please think about what the money will do for the poor masses outside there and also the victims of natural disaster.Iam looking forward to your positive response and please kindly send to me your telephone number so that we can talk more on this project.I have also attached my telephone number and hope you will not hestitate to contact me.
I am a family man and this is an opportunity to provide them with new opportunities. There is a reward for this project and it is a task well worth undertaking. I have evaluated the risks and the only risk I have here is from you refusing to work with me and alerting my bank.
I am the only one who knows of this situation, good fortune has blessed you with a name that has planted you into the center of relevance in my life. Lets share the blessing. If you find yourself able to work with me, contact me through this email. If you give me positive signals, I will give you the relevant details and initiate this process towards a conclusion.
I do not want any direct link between you and I. My official lines are not secure lines as they are periodically monitored to assess our level of customer care in line with our total Quality Management Policy. Please observe this instruction religiously.Do not betray my confidence.
I await your response.
Sincerely,

Mr.Richard Ven Sossouk.
Telephone:0022506064390.
Private email:richvensossouk@lycos.co.uk

One Response to “Longest Spam Email”

  1. Bob Says:

    I get 15-20 of these Nigerian 419 emails a week.

    Occasionally, if I’m in a certain mood, I’ll have fun with them and reply. I.E.: http://www.ebolamonkeyman.com

    It can be lots of fun to bait these suckers.

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